Turn me over, brothers, I am done enough on this side

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Mothers Day Clown Pin crop

This May, don’t forget Mom! This piece combines several tried-and-true Mother’s Day gift options: an outfit with feminine ruffles, a pretty pin, a subtly classy hint at clown balls. You’re sure to bring a smile to her face! (Sorry, we can no longer accept returns!)

(A Cinderella Story, of a sort…)
I was already fretting about what to wear for Mother’s Day this year, until eBay, like a kind yet weirdly suspicious fairy godmother clad in a never-washed genuine Art Nouveau polyester leisure suit previously owned by a hirsute chain-smoker, offered a complete solution to my problem.  But now I’m so worried because they say I can’t go to eBay until I make the fire, fix a breakfast, wash the dishes, do the mopping and the sweeping and the dusting, and what if someone else gets to it before I’m through with all that work?  I can only hope some, I don’t know, some sweet little birds and mice will come and help me finish everything in time, and in the process not completely foul the entire place with droppings like the time when they “helped” by sewing ric-rac and ribbons all over that ball gown.

Oh, but just imagine!  If only, if only I had this to wear, I wouldn’t even need anything else in my ensemble! Just pin it right to the skin of my breast and go.

You don’t seem to understand; I really need this. They took away my other pretty golden pin and said I can’t wear it anymore.

Unhappy face pin

Why can’t I have nice things?


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