I was really fretting about what to wear for Mother’s Day this year, until eBay, like a kind yet weirdly suspicious fairy godmother clad in a never-washed genuine Art Nouveau polyester leisure suit previously owned by a hairy chain-smoker, offered a complete solution to my problem. But now I’m so worried because they say I can’t go to eBay until I make the fire, fix a breakfast, wash the dishes, do the mopping and the sweeping and the dusting, and what if someone else bids on it before I’m through with all that work? I can only hope some sweet little birds and mice will show up to help me finish everything in time….
Just imagine! If only I had this pin to wear, I wouldn’t need anything else at all in my ensemble; I’d just jump out of the shower, pin it right to my flesh, then off I’d go.
You don’t seem to understand how much I really need this. They took away my other fancy pin and said I can’t wear it out of the house anymore.